Fox News carries more entertainment stories than you would think for a network that believes all movie stars would like to turn the country into a communal hemp farm maintained by the labor of conservative Christians forced into an agrarian work program.
But I guess Fox has the captive and pathologically self-deceptive audience to support lots of celebrity news, an audience filled by middle-aged women who pre-ordered Sarah Palin’s book and think teenagers wouldn’t have sex if it wasn’t on TV, who explain that the celebrity gossip shows they watch are just something they “leave on in the background” while making dinner, who agree with their friends that the new reality TV shows they watch are just terrible things that no one should watch.
Luckily, women like this and Republican men who want to see actresses in their underwear have one favorite blog they can be sure won’t give them bullshit like left-wing celebrity blogs. That’s FOX411 of FOX News.
This blog by its own description is the “first call for celebrity and entertaiment (sic) news. FOX411 brings you the latest scoops using FOX’s unmatched reach in news, entertainment, TV and the Internet. Click on back now, ya hear?”
I will do that, especially if the blog continues FOX News’ disingenuous moralizing like it does in a post yesterday titled “Fergie and Josh Duhamel sound like one sexed-up couple!“
“The Black Eyed Peas singer,” the post says, “is on the cover of sex-obsessed Cosmopolitan magazine talking about, what else, sex. And she’s also getting religion into the mix!”
Yeah. Enough headlines about sex, Cosmo.
FOX411 also knows that real non-al-Quaeda entertainment bloggers shake their heads at Jude Law over inferences made from rumors tha the actor makes out in public with strange women but won’t see his 6-month-old daughter.
Since it has no direct knowledge of this situation, FOX411 rightfully takes an offended tone in this post, saying: “Jude Law has an interesting set of priorities” and “(It) would be good to at least know what your daughter looked like, don’t you think?”
Right. Fuck you, Jude. As your best friend, I think I can let you know when you get out of line.
But FOX411 also often does its own reporting. Don’t get it wrong. In a “FOX411 Exclusive,” the blog talks to an anonymous source who claims to have seen Brooke Shields act rudely at a retail store.
FOX411 of course reacts properly to details of Shields’ behavior by believing everything this one anonymous source. One detail FOX411 almost can’t believe, reacting: “Um, what?”
Listen up, Brooke. Stop being a cunt. Now that’s the 411.
2 Comments
November 6, 2009 at 8:13 pm
“411″ is a terribly out-of-date slang term. Does anyone actually say that anymore? “What’s the 411?” sounds like something that a character on a episode of “Blossom” would say.
November 8, 2009 at 7:52 am
yes…what is 411????.